End of Self Sufficiency

Visiting the family in the village.

When we came to Egypt in June, God made it clear to me that this would be a time of rest. For two months Romany and I had rest. It was a bit forced because of a revolution, but it was rest. We hung out in our apartment in the village and spent the time with each other and his family (the whole extended crowd).

At the end of August, we were done. No more village for us! It's not that we didn't enjoy our time, but it became a bit claustrophobic after a while and we felt the urge to see a little bit of the wider world. We came to Cairo expecting to stay for a week or so and then return later to find a place. Instead, as things went, we stayed more than a month and by the time we went for a visit to the village again, we already rented an apartment in Cairo.

We thought our rest had come to an end. After arriving back in Cairo, I started teaching and Romany finally got the opportunity to get involved in some things. Finally, we were getting on track and didn't have to sit around until the baby comes and Romany gets his visa to the States.

Ah, if all had been so smooth and easy. A little over a week ago, I noticed that I had a little (very little) blood. We already knew that I have a low-lying placenta and that it could cause bleeding. Unfortunately, any issues of bleeding are only made a problem because Romany and I have different blood types with a difference in RH meaning that my blood can potentially cause problems for the baby. We've been instructed that any time I have blood, we need to go to the hospital and get an injection and an ultrasound to make sure there's no problem.

Because of these issues, the doctor felt best to be cautious and put me on two weeks of bed rest. Two weeks, which was extended on Monday to another week and a half! No teaching. No church. No visiting friends. No meetings. Bed rest.

Now you have to understand that I'm a healthy person. I get colds on occasion but rarely get more than that. Fevers are a rarity and I barely have to remain in bed for anything. Three weeks is a little daunting for me to comprehend.

So, praying that my placenta will change position I wait...in bed.

Our living room before we had to change things around.

Our living room after Romany had to move a bed in for my
bed rest...Do I have a great husband or what?

It's in these circumstances that I've learned to not despair or get frustrated, though I have my moments. Instead, I've learned that I need to ask what God wants me to learn from this...

“God cannot use a Christian to fullest potential until that person has come to the end of confidence in personal abilities. So He allows problems to come into our lives that are greater than our abilities can solve. Don't miss this point, because it is fundamental. If we have sincerely prayed for God to use us, He must cause us to come to the place where we have no confidence in the flesh. Adverse circumstances may be the hand of God working to bring us to the end of self-sufficiency.” (Grace Walk by Steve McVey)

Ah...is that what I prayed all of those years ago?

“God use me in any way you want. I am ready and willing.”

I remember that prayer I've said many times in many ways over the last few years. I've also had my share of “adverse circumstances” to take me to the end of myself and draw me closer to Him. I've had moves to strange places, no money, no food, jobs that seemed way over my head, difficult relationships, among other experiences.

Us hanging out a few weeks ago.

This, though, is a completely different “adverse circumstance” than I've ever had to face and, boy, it's uncomfortable in many ways:

1. I can't work. – I love work. Work gives me a sense of purpose and direction. Work helps me to feel useful. I need work...or do I? Ok, don't get me wrong, work is great and God gives us work to do on earth but it is not the reason I exist and it shouldn't give me purpose. God gives me purpose, direction, and a sense of worth. Sometimes I forget this very important fact. I am not defined my my work. God defines me and my work fits into what he gives me to do on earth...not the other way around.

2. I'm completely dependent on someone else. - Oh, this is a hard one. I've been learning a bit of this since we got married, but this takes it to a different level! We are learning a lot about each other, communication, and what's most important. I also can't have everything done the way I want and that's hard for my personality, but I'm learning!

3. My social life has taken a nose dive. - I was just getting involved in church and getting to know some other people around. It's pretty much been Romany and I for the last week or so and anyone else I may run into on Facebook. I love being with people, processing, and hanging out so not being able to is a challenge, though Romany and I are getting to know each other even more.

Even in the challenges, God is helping me to focus on what is most important for me to focus on...making a precious baby who continues to grow big and strong, growing deeper in relationship with my amazing husband before our lives again go through transition, teaching me to rest physically as much as mentally, and giving me more time with my amazing Father who is with me and accepts me no matter my situation or circumstances. May I walk out of this situation with less self-sufficiency and more dependent on my Father.

24 Weeks